I am terrified, and haven’t really stopped being scared as I dove into the world of game development.

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What if my game fails? What do I do then? What if my game succeeds? What do I do then?

What if the demo is great? But then the rest of the game sucks? What if my story is terrible? What if it’s all a lie? What if I am a lie?

What if my game breaks apart and I have to start from scratch? Because that has happened before —

As you all can tell, I can be a tad dramatic.

What Am I Creating?

Well, I am a writer first. Then a streamer. I am also addicted to all things caffeine, and now I am a game developer. Although, I still don’t really feel qualified. And I don’t think I ever will.

My journey from developing to the prototype is actually available — you can play it on Steam right now: Paranoia Vol. I Demo.

But Paranoia’s development originally started last year. It was meant to be my first simple horror game. That obviously didn’t work out. The concept started with every time the player made a right choice, they passed through the level, and the wrong choice meant they would just die. And that would be it.

I would also have the game track all the wrong choices made, which would let them end up with the bad ending, and if players made better choices originally meant they would end up with a good ending.

And that still partially remains true, but now, instead of just killing you, if you make a few bad choices, it would branch out to different maps — putting you in worse places than you would’ve been if you made better choices.

But that is a lot more work to design. And I have encountered a few difficulties.

Common Problems I Have Faced

One, I am still very new to developing. Which means I am learning on the go. That also means problems that most people would know how to fix in a few minutes can sometimes take me hours, if not days, to resolve.

Two, there are extra costs involved — usually assets and more, as I am not willing to spend the time learning 3D modelling on Blender. Not yet at least, and Blender’s a time commitment that a couple of dollars won’t simply fix. It does run the risk though of making my game look like an asset flip. So I am spending a lot of time on building maps, and hoping to create something that still looks unique. We’ll have to see how well that works out.

Thirdly — time. I still have to work another job for money, and so any work I put on game development comes out of my own pocket. Now don’t get me wrong, I am loving it. And loving every moment. But that also means I don’t have all the time in the world to be working on this game. I think this is the reality for most indie game devs.

And finally, marketing. The scariest thing of all. I wish I was told as a kid to focus on improving one’s marketing skills alongside a person’s craft. This includes writing, but now also for game development. I am learning how to market the game. And it’s scary. Because what happens if I spend a year to two years on this game and no one plays it?

And yes, I know people say make games for you. Or write stories for you. But the deep selfish side of me would really hope that people find and play this game. Including a couple of my favorite streamers — I really wouldn’t complain.

And then, even if I do successfully market the game, what happens if people play it —

And hate it?

Yeah — game development is scary. And there’s a lot of questions I have. A lot of anxiety. With the prototype now out, I am working on creating an official demo for this October. And the goals are simple. Finish all the mapped-out scenes. Get the voice actor lines. And bug test it until it’s coming out of my ears.

That, and keep you all updated. Which is exactly what I am planning to do.